LJF Wolffe, Weirdo at Large

We arrived at the hotel about 12:30, got checked in, got our stuff to the room, and then went out again to see what was up. The answer — nothing. We got to hear about difficulties in almost every department, since we hung out where the volunteers do; everyone was having problems. And there never seemed to be the huge influx of people showing up; even at 5-6 PM, it was busy but never overcrowded. Weird.

The biggest thing that happened to us on Friday was getting dissed by a hotel employee. Since MiLady is in a wheelchair for the duration of the Con, and since we’ve waited 20+ minutes in the past for an elevator with space for her, MiLady gets the combination for the service elevators. At one point during the evening, she punched in the combo — only to be told by some black-suited git with a gold name tag that no, we couldn’t use them, not now or at all during the weekend, because of insurance issues. He wouldn’t even let us get in. (MiLady checked later that evening with the Head of Con Security — it’s good to know people — and he said it was complete bishwah.)

On Saturday we wandered about and saw the sights. I noticed that the big deal readings for the weekend were from someplace called “Broad Universe” — which turned out to be a thing for women writers. Oh, for Pete’s Sake! Women Writers . . . like Women in Business or just about any “women’s” group I’ve run into . . . seems only to say, “We want special attention! We don’t want to compete on any non-exclusive playing field — so we’re going to set up our own group, and if you don’t think we’re Special, then it’s all your own prejudices!” Sheesh . . .

We went to the Art Show. Lots of great stuff — that MiLady hardly got to see, because people were always moving in front of her to stand directly between her and the art. One group of Manticoran officers (from the Honor Harrington universe) deliberately moved around her wheelchair to stand two feet from the artwork so she couldn’t see it. I wanted to say, “Great jobs on the uniforms, guys — but could you go back and read the books you’re emulating about graciousness and MANNERS?!?”

On Saturday night, I hung out with MiLady and StepDaughter while they started the Party Rounds. There was only one floor for parties this year (which says a TON about the number of people who aren’t coming to the Con like they used to), and really only two parties there — the Pirates and the Cultists. We spent some time in the 3rd floor smoking area, and heard others talking about what we were wondering — Doesn’t the Con seem teeny this year? The highest number we could find on a badge was 758 or something; everyone there agreed that the membership was incredibly small compared to the 1200 we had last year, or the 1600 we were used to seeing in the old hotel. We found a concomm member, who said that the Registration head was being very tight-lipped about the numbers this year. In the past they’ve been published in the Daily OryConnian. Hmm . . .

And one more elevator incident — we got chased down by a uniformed security officer on Saturday night, who asked if we had permission to use the service elevator, and when she found that we did (she actually looked disappointed), said, “Well, it’s all right for now, but you two (me and the StepDaughter; not just family, but Helpers for the Disabled Person under the ADA) will have to wait with the rest of them.” A couple of people, hearing about it later, actually told us we could sue. It’s not worth the effort, though. We only saw her the once, and she never used the elevator the next day when I was with her. Why? No need. The place was dead.

Yes, Sunday was dead as a doornail. A bunch of people seemingly left the hotel before we even got up; there were no elevator lines, and hardly anyone in the Con level corridors. We went to a couple of panels (and in one of them, the Feedback panel, someone asked about attendee numbers — and was told we were up to 1300. I never saw them). We went out to dinner, watched some TV (we tried to hook our laptop up to the TV to watch our own DVDs; although it worked easily last year, this year it just would not happen). Then we went to the final event of any OryCon, the Dead Duck (or whatever they’re calling it this year) party. This year was wonderful — the Toast Rounds were excellent (and not overbearing or taking over the whole room exclusively like in recent years), the people were wonderful, the pizza overflowing (they’d ordered the same amount as last year, but only half of it got eaten — another clue?), and when I left at 11:30 the place was swinging.

It wasn’t till I got up the next morning that I heard about the final indignity. Apparently the hotel got hold of the con chairman at midnight and shut down the Duck. They told him that there wasn’t supposed to be any alcohol in the suite we used as Hospitality, and that it all had to be removed — NOW. After how many years, they do this to us? We’ve held that party after every con, every year. THIS year, at midnight, it’s suddenly unacceptable? WTF?!?!?

THE PORTLAND DOWNTOWN MARRIOTT IS NOT WELCOMING TO PEOPLE TRYING TO SPEND MONEY THERE. I’m exceedingly glad that OryCon is moving; I plan on never spending another DIME on that hotel chain. They don’t want my business? They don’t want to trust me? FINE — they don’t need my money. (On Monday, when I asked if I could use a bellhop cart to pack out our stuff, I was actually told No. The git insisted on bring the cart up himself, putting our stuff on it himself, and wheeling it down to the car area himself. As if I was going to try and take it home! After over twenty years of weekend conventions, this is the first time I’ve ever had that happen. EVER. Frell you, Marriott!)

I’m waiting anxiously for the Regress report on this con, in part to see what the attendance numbers are (or if they’ll even be published, or if the “pre-reg but didn’t pick up badge” numbers are even reported). The only times this felt like a con to me were in the Party Wing smoking area or at the Dead Duck. I’m looking forward to next year, in a hotel that might treat us like the money-paying customers that we are; but if the next con goes like this one, it might be the flushing of an SF con going down the tubes that will be he loudest sound. I hope not, but it might.

[To those of you who have never been to an SF convention before -- this was NOT a typical con. Usually they're busy, fun, full of interesting people and wonderful events. I wish I could show you how wonderful they are, and how you'd really enjoy going. This one was not such a great example. Sorry. 8-(]

Technorati Tags: orycon

We have a Buffalo LinkTheater — a box that plays downloaded stuff from our laptops or from a hard drive. I personally think they gave the Buffalo a good name: it’s slow, ponderous, stubborn, and cranky. It never has gotten the remote computer stuff right (which is why we bought it its very own hard drive), and it chokes on half of the formats it’s supposed to play. We use it all the time, though — especially since our DVD player went hinky — but it does occasionally drive me nuts. So my silly brain started singing this the other day while waiting for it to boot . . . (blame the spellings in the second stanza on Bugs Bunny!)

Oh, give me a home
Where the Buffalo works
And all of our downloads will play

Where seldom is hoid
A four-letter woid
And the hard drive will read fast all day.

Home, Home on the Street
Where the Media Wall is complete
Where the Internet works
And we get all the perks
Of the Social ‘Net right in our seats!

And, to make up for that piece of tripe, a more “normal” joke that ran around one of my mailing lists:

A young man named John received a parrot as an early Christmas gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.

The parrot yelled back.

John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.

John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and shoved him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said ‘I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.’

John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued….

‘May I inquire as to what the turkey did?’

Technorati Tags: Buffalo, FunnyStuff, Parrot, Turkey

Don’t Quit (Poem)
Source Unknown

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit -
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor’s cup;
And he learned too late
when the night came down
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar,
So stick to the light when you’re hardest hit -
It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.

Technorati Tags: motivation, Optimism, Poem

A week from today, I’ll be checking into a hotel for a weekend of wonderful weirdness known as OryCon. If you’re anything like our household, some time this weekend you’ll be pulling out the suitcases for the process of packing — 75% of the stuff goes in during the first two days, with the rest filtering in as it gets clean or you remember you might need it. Having done this for a little while (this’ll be my 22nd OryCon, and MiLady’s 21st), I thought I’d suggest ten things you might not normally think of as Con gear.

1. Garbage Bags. We prefer to take at least three, and recommend 2 + 1 per person. Those tiny hotel trash cans never hold enough garbage for us, so one is for trash and (being Oregonians) one is for nickels — I mean empty cans. The bag per person is for dirty laundry. It helps keep the room tidier.
2. A Power Strip. Our room is probably going to contain 3 laptops, 2 PDAs, and 2 cell phones, not to mention the cameras, light props, and other toys. Rather than having deathmatches over the two or three plugs we can get to in the room, a power strip is so much more civilized . . .
3. An Air Filter. Not only is this useful if you like incense but don’t want the neighbors complaining, but think of how thankful you’ll feel with a bunch of people in the same room! It also helps after that over-perfumed friend-of-a-friend wanders through. It just helps make life away from home more pleasant.
4. A T-shirt and Jeans. You may love that costume now, and want to wear it all weekend; but don’t sentence yourself to it by not taking any other clothes! Likewise, you may be sure now that those high-heel platform shoes will be just fine — but pack a pair of flats, just in case. If nothing else, you need an outfit to go home in . . . (OryCon Tip: at this Con, at least, it’s OK to wear your pajamas around the hotel — especially on Sunday morning. It seems to mark the Cereal and Cartoons crowd. So you might want a set of publicly-acceptable jammies.)
5. A Battery Charger. Remember those cameras, light props, etc. that I mentioned earlier? We’re firm believers in rechargeable batteries, partly because if something dies we can have it again in a matter of hours (not dollars). Few things worse than a prop that won’t work . . .
6. Con Food. I don’t know about you, but we can’t afford to eat in the hotel all the time, leaving the hotel for food is a pain, and while Hospitality is usually fantastic at OryCon, they may not have stuff out when you need to eat. With my diabetes, I need protein at regular intervals, so I tend to bring a supply of jerky; we also recommend cup o’ noodles, bullion cubes, or packaged soups where you “just add water.” The room’s coffee pot is great for that! If you’re addicted to soda, you might want to bring a supply of that, too.
7. Duct Tape (or a Sewing Kit). You’d be amazed at the costume problems that can be fixed with duct tape. Sagging hems, splitting seams, rips and tears . . . all can be fixed with a careful application. (Blame it on my years in the SCA.) If you’re horrified at the mere thought, just take this as a suggestion to remember a sewing/mending kit. Though you might reconsider the duct tape if you need to get pet hair off cloth . . .
8. Painters’ Masking Tape. This is for those of you in a group or trying to advertise anything: If you want to attach things to posts or walls, painters’ masking tape is guaranteed not to mess up whatever’s already on the wall. Other masking tapes . . . not so much. The office may or may not have a supply of it — don’t count on it! You would not believe how quickly that stuff disappears! Bring your own; it’s better for everybody.
9. A Bag. If you’re planning on making a run on the Freebies Table, or a serious siege on the Dealers’ Room, then having a bag to cart stuff around in is a good idea. It also helps when you don’t want to be running to your room all the time.
10. A Substitute Pet. OK, I’m silly. You can say it. But I really miss my cats when I’m away from home. So I take Chet to the Con. Chet is a stuffed Cheshire Cat, and is the perfect companion: he stays down when I put him down, doesn’t complain when I pick him up, and is very pettable (even if his fur does go the wrong way). It’s part of ‘taking my home with me.’

Well, that’s our list, as of right now — it’ll probably change 4 times over the next week as we remember things. (Toiletries! I was going to throw in not trusting those teeny hotel bottles to be enough — grr . . . ) Do you have anything “weird” when you pack? Got any tips for living in a hotel room for a weekend? Please share in the comments section — I need all the help I can get!

Technorati Tags: orycon, Packing

I got the best compliment this weekend — one of my FriendFed friends nominated me to be the first recipient of a FF room full of help! She suggested a review club: every few days or so, someone nominates a web site and we all go look at it and make suggestions for improvement, then the recipient nominates another lucky sot to get the same help. And the first nomination? Me!

Now the site nominated at first was this one; this was a wonderful thing, but this is about the only website I’m playing with right now that was never intended to make any money, so I pointed people at Popular Delusions, which is the one I started after the 30DC (and the disaster which was my first blog). I got several helpful suggestions about my links (too pale and hard to see) and my lack of images (I need to go play with the CC license stuff on Flickr). I also got reminded that my index page was a sight to make people click the back button; practically nothing there. I’d always wanted to do other things with the front page, and the category pages, but got stuck and started the blog entries just to get something done. Since I’ve always just pointed to individual blog posts, I forgot the index. My bad.

See, I’m a big fraud. I write OK </humble>, but I know next to nothing about the mechanics of playing with WordPress. I can change my links colors, for example, but I have no clue how to make them “brighter,” or less pale; and I have absolutely no clue how to take a plugin and make it appear on a page without frelling it up and having it also appear in the sidebar. I went to install a plugin today, and it had a fatal error. I have no clue how to chase the error down and fix it; I’ll just have to find another one that does something similar. I have great ideas, and have seen sites do similar things, but I have no frelling clue how to implement them. And the tutorials I find are no help — “read the readme.” Most of the readmes I’ve read are version lists and how to install. I know how to install the bloody thing, but how do I USE it?

I also spent some time today crying over my front page text. (OK, I was having a bad day overall; ignore the tears.) Someone suggested my text needed to be “punchier” — I needed more appeals to like-mindedness or challenges to my readers; I needed more calls to action. As you can see, I tend to explain a lot and ramble a bit; as I said to MiLady at one point, “I’m not punchy, I’m folksy!” But I think I got better text on the home page — more pointers to parts of the blog, more calls to action. Now I need to figure out the “Featured Offer” thing. I need one — I just need to figure out the formatting. So the suggestions have been really helpful, and I’ll be implementing them as I write more posts.

Which leads me to my final problem — I’m supposed to pick the next blog to look at. I have a couple of good FF friends whose blogs I’d love to nominate, but I don’t know what they are. See, the 30DC had a problem with copycats ripping off site ideas (and occasionally the text on the site, as well!), so my friends aren’t putting their “money sites” through FriendFeed. The one friend whose site I do know has been too busy to hang out on FF, and might not appreciate a nomination with so much other stuff going on in her life. So how to pick? I don’t know — got any ideas? Want a free trackback to your site? Nominate yourself in the Comments! Use my Contact Me page! Help me out here!

Technorati Tags: FriendFeed, WordPress

I love language. You’d expect that, from a former English major — but since I spent a lot of time in band as well (football was invented to have a reason for the half-time show — you do know that, don’t you?), I also love the music of language. The flow of it, the rhythms, the way the word choices tell you about the speaker. It’s gorgeous stuff.

When MiLady first brought home V for Vendetta, I have to admit I wasn’t all that interested; yet another graphic-novel-turned-movie, which I hadn’t heard much about. But the moment V started speaking, I found myself ignoring the laptop and putting my chin in my hand and absorbing his language. It’s beautiful stuff, though not for the faint-hearted — he uses a lot of “five dollar words” — but the rhythm and flow was beautiful, and he had Good Words to say. (In our house, “Good Words” means great thoughts. It comes from The Wrath of Khan, of all places. “Just words,” says Captain Kirk. “But Good Words,” says his son; “That’s where Ideas begin.”) The entire movie is full of Good Words and Good Thoughts and beautiful language. I highly recommend it.

Because I have this little language fetish, when I saw a link go by on FriendFeed titled, “Don’t Mind your Language,” I had to check it out. It was written by a British comedian named Stephen Fry; the name was familiar, but not recognized by my swiss cheese brain (you know — full of holes) until I recognized the picture in his banner — he was in V for Vendetta! If you’ve seen it, you’ll remember him as the talk show host taken away for his sense of humor and killed for his love of beauty. I’m sure he has a much more extensive resume — I just haven’t seen any of it. But I love his writing.

He asks some basic questions — “Is language being degraded, is it not what it was? Is there a right way to express yourself and a wrong? Grammar, does that exist, or is it a pedantic imposition? . . . Can we translate from one tongue into another without irreparable loss?” He draws a distinction between the language itself and the idea of language; he talks about his own version of English and where it came from; and he brings up the pleasure of language as being just as important (for some of us, anyway) as the information it contains. It’s a long article, and I’ll never do it justice; but you really ought to go and read it. It will make you think about the way that you use language, and (if you get uptight about using it ‘properly’) show you that just because the language is evolving it doesn’t mean it’s ‘wrong.’ Here’s the paragraph that sums up his thoughts best for me:

Isn’t that just gorgeous? And, I hope, inspirational!

Technorati Tags: Good Words, Language

Hotay. So it’s now November; Halloween is over, the election is tomorrow and I’ve gotten my vote in (gods, I love Oregon!), the sky is a beautiful grey and it’s raining regularly. Now it’s time to concentrate on . . . ORYCON!!!

What is OryCon, you ask? It’s the Portland, OR annual fan-run science fiction convention. On the weekend of November 21-23, somewhere around a thousand of us weirdos are going to show up at the Portland Marriott Waterfront hotel in downtown Portland and hang out. There will be panels discussing SF, fantasy, horror, anime, costuming, writing, and even weirder stuff; there will be book signings, readings, a dealers’ room and art show, dances, singing circles, and the occasional pagan ritual, Christan prayer meeting, or Tai Chi class. There’s child care available, a Hospitality Suite, a masquerade so people can show off their costumes, and workshops for writers. It’s a lot of fun!

This year’s theme is “Days of Futures Past.” This should really appeal to the SteamPunk (Victorian era SF) and classic SF people; I’m just looking forward to an excuse to wear my new frock coat, and actually fitting in. Sure, I bought it from a Dr. Who costume site — but the nice thing about frock coats is that it fits into many different eras, spanning about 200 years, so I can get mistaken for whatever the viewer wants to believe. Perfect! Silly me, I’m also looking forward to loading down the pockets: pulling out a Star Trek communicator, then shoving it back with a “not that one — wrong dimension.” “Which wand is it that works over here?” The alethiometer should get a good workout too. (I love props! They’re so much fun!)

But the time to start planning is now. There’s nothing like the disastrous feeling that you left what you wanted at home. (Last year, I was working; I asked that things get packed, but MiLady was as frazzled as I was, and as a result I had no costume for Saturday night. Not this year, by golly!) I”m going to start now, putting aside clothing and props and making stuff is clean and that the batteries work and that I can pull off a great character this year — myself! I can’t dress up as someone else — I’d never pull it off. Now if I can just find a sprig of fake parsley . . .

Technorati Tags: costumes, orycon, SF conventions

Happy Halloween! I hope that you’re enjoying the holiday, with whatever meaning it has for you. I thought a couple of giggles might come in handy (non-holiday related):

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Antiques enthusiast Mary spent all her free time haunting second-hand stores, flea markets, and other likely spots where she might encounter the odd find: a valuable antique of some sort, whose seller was unaware of its value and was offering it for a low price.

On most of her expeditions she came up empty, but she enjoyed the thrill of the hunt and felt amply rewarded when she did manage to purchase a valuable old something-or-other from its unwitting seller.

On one such expedition, buried in the back of a thrift shop, Mary encountered a small, old-fashioned kerosene lighting device. Her heart leapt at the sight of it; she was sure it was worth considerably more than the dollar on the price tag.

Unfortunately, though, her newest find was infested with small albino insects that had jumped from the store’s feline. She bought it all the same, though.

Now Mary had a little lamp. Its fleas were white as snow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little old lady was selling sea shells on a street corner across from the beach one day.

A well-dressed man passed by her. She grabbed his arm and asked, “How about some nice seashells?”

“No, thank you,” the man replied.

Suddenly, the woman clutched her throat and fell to the pavement. “What’s wrong?” asked the man.

“I think this might be it for me,” the old woman whispered. “Please buy some of my seashells.”

Deeply touched, the man bought all her shells. He handed her the money. A moment later, she lay down on the sidewalk and her eyes slid peacefully shut.

The next day the man was walking down the same street and once again saw the woman vending her sea shells.

He walked up to a police officer. “I thought she passed away yesterday,” the man said. “I was here. I bought all her shells just before it happened!”

The officer smiled knowingly. “Ah, you were conned, my friend,” he replied. “You see, she sells seashells by the seizure.”

Technorati Tags: FunnyStuff

MiLady has found a bunch of 80s scifi TV, and we’ve spent the last week watching Buck Rogers. Now we’ve moved on to something she remembers and I don’t — though it looks familiar — called Voyagers. And I’m beginning to have an inkling of why I have a small problem with the real world.

There’s an application in FaceBook called Flair, where you can send your friends button pictures. I found one a while back that said, “I Learned all my Life Skills from Disney Movies.” I liked that button, but knew it wasn’t quite right; now I know what it should have said: “I Learned all my Life Skills from SF TV.”

Some of the beliefs I have that have gotten me in the most trouble came from TV. People are basically honest; troubles can be solved by talking about them until reason is agreed to by all parties; a friend wouldn’t con you; good people don’t change. It always worked for Buck Rogers and Captain Kirk! But walk out that front door, and Real Life hits you in the face — hard. People (as a herd, as faceless strangers on the street) suck. They’ll say anything to get what they want, and leave you hanging at the first opportunity. They’re rude and always angry, and more than willing to take it out on you.

I like my own little world much better than the real one. In my world, I get to interact with persons, not people — persons who read your words and consider them before replying. People who use their soapboxes to say things that are interesting and engaging and funny and thoughtful. It may be my own little world, but it’s OK — they know me there. I think I’ll stay.

Subject Change: I just read about a nifty idea over on Chuck Westbrook’s blog: a blogger’s reading club! Sign up to his RSS feed to get more info, but the basic idea is getting a bunch of people together and they all read the same ‘undiscovered’ blog for two weeks, commenting and trackbacking and generally boosting their stats, then moving on to another blog for two more weeks. You get neat new places to read and maybe subscribe to, the blogger gets increased traffic, Google love and valuable feedback — Everybody Wins. If you have the time to read one more blog regularly, give it a thought!

Technorati Tags: Facebook, Life Skills, TV

Pardon me while I brag a little! I joined my Internet University in June; I did the 30 Day Challenge in August (which taught me more about making money online than that $%&@#?! Internet University ever did); and yesterday, checking my stats, I discovered that I had actually MADE MONEY! About $3, but who cares? And it wasn’t a housemate buying through one of my links, but one of my articles on Popular Delusions! (”Coffee Drinker? Trying to Save $$$? This Will Help!“) I can finally call myself a real, live internet marketer! Yay!! My wife’s comment: “Great! Now go do it again.” Working on it . . .