LJF Wolffe, Weirdo at Large

MiLady’s mother has quite generously paid for her entire extended family go to on an 8-day Alaskan cruise. That means 14 of us are heading up to Seattle tomorrow, so we can board the ship on Sunday morning, and we won’t be back until July 5th. Cool, huh?

We arranged for a friend to stay at our place for the duration, to fend off thieves and feed the kitties. (My only worry about the furkids is the loud noises on July 4th; otherwise, they should be OK. But I still worry.) MiLady’s mom has handled all the travel arrangements, so all we need to do is show up at the train station and follow her. I’m looking forward to glaciers and that wonderful shade of blue that you rarely find anywhere else, four pools that I can go swim in any time I feel like, and loads of wonderful stuff to do, not to mention seeing Alaska for the first time and (briefly) visiting Victoria BC again after nearly 30 years. (Yiee! Has it really been that long? Scarily, yes, it has.)

My biggest problem is that most of my trips for my entire adult life have been to SF conventions and SCA events. I’m used to carrying costumes, props, toys, extra food & drink, and stuff — but not this time. What do “normal” people take on vacation? I have no clue. I guess I’ll find out this week, from my inlaws and fellow travelers on the Princess cruise ship. Never having done this before, it’s certain to be an interesting experience!

So if you don’t see anything from me on Twitter or FriendFeed or FaceBook, it’s because I’m “out of pocket” and won’t be back till the 5th. I may take the 6th to rest up, depending on how it goes. Not that I expect anyone to panic or anything (most won’t even notice), but I wanted to let my friends know what’s going on. Have a great week, and I’ll see you when I return!

Here are two more funny stories from www.write101.com:

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space.

As the moment came closer NASA’s mission control centre announced, “This is mission control to Monkey One. Initiate!”

At that the first monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle’s engines ignited and the shuttle took off.

Two hours later NASA’s mission control centre announced, “This is mission control to Monkey Two. Initiate!”

At that the second monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle separated from the empty fuel tanks.

Another two hours later mission control announced, “This is mission control to Astronaut…”

At this the astronaut responded, “I know, I know. Feed the monkeys and don’t touch anything.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A gorilla was walking through the jungle when he came across a deer eating grass in a clearing. The gorilla roared,” Who is the king of the jungle?”

The deer replied, “Oh, you are, Master.”

The gorilla walked off, pleased. Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole. The gorilla roared, “Who is the king of the jungle?”

The zebra replied, “Oh, you are, Master.”

The gorilla walked off again, pleased. Then he came across an elephant, “Who is the king of the jungle?” he roared. With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him.

The gorilla got up off the ground and said, “OK, OK, there’s no need to get mad just because you don’t know the answer.”

Tee hee hee. Have a great day!

Technorati Tags: FunnyStuff

So I found myself a new soap opera to follow. This one’s not on TV, though — it’s on Twitter.

For the few of my friends who haven’t heard of it yet, Twitter is called a “microblog” — you can send messages of up to 140 characters (like on your phone) about your day or your new blog post or the movie you just saw. Some people use it to market themselves or their stuff; some use it as a microdiary and to talk to friends; and some are just there to spread the fun around. I’m one of those extreme weirdos that has more than one account, so I spend a lot of time there. It’s fun.

For the many of you who don’t know me that well, I should let you know that when I showed up to my very first Science Fiction convention in 1986, the name on my badge was “Blue Rose,” and that the only name on the 30+ con badges hanging on my wall. I feel kinda proprietary about the name, in my own little Pacific NW corner of fandom, at any rate.

I told you that so you’d understand that when I saw a post on Twitter to someone named @Blue_Rose I had to go take a look. It turns out that @Blue_Rose is a character, and is currently running around the Tardis with @DoctorJohnSmith. There seem to be about half a dozen characters involved in this thing, and I’ve come in in the middle and am still trying to figure things out. I’ve set up a group in Friendfeed to catch all of the action, because when they’re talking they take up a lot of feed bandwidth. In other words, they’re noisy. But they’re interesting as all get-out, too; especially in these lean, hungry TV-Doctorless times. The other night they discovered Gelth in the Boston Museum; today they’re having relationship discussions. Great to eavesdrop on for picking up backstory.

I’ve heard of other role-playing stuff on Twitter, but the only one I know of personally is @MotherAbigail and @TexasWalkinDude, who are playing their roles (from Stephen King’s The Stand) more than role-playing with each other. And let’s not forget the dozens of people out there Twittering as celebrities or historical figures.

Who says the real-time web has to be from the Real World (TM)?

Technorati Tags: Soap Operas, Twitter

Here’s another classic goodie from www.write101.com’s newsletter:

I halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plane lee marques four my revue
Miss steaks aye ken knot sea

Eye ran this poem threw it
Your sure reel glad two no
It’s vary polished in it’s weigh
My chequer tolled me sew

A chequer is a bless sing
It freeze yew lodes of thyme
It helps me awl stiles two reed
And aides mi when aye rime

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud
And wee mussed dew the best wee can
Sew flaws are knot aloud

And now bee cause my spelling
is checked with such grate flare
Their are know faults with in my cite
Of nun eye am a wear

Each frays come posed up on my screen
Eye trussed to be a joule
The chequer poured o’er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule

That’s why aye brake in two averse
My righting wants too pleas
Sow now ewe sea wye aye dew prays
Such soft wear for pea seas

Technorati Tags: FunnyStuff, Language

In July of 2002 I went to the Humane Society to adopt a cat. My Number One Son, Grimalkin, had passed in late September the year before, and I finally felt I could love another kitty.

We walked through the cat section, looking at all of the furkids available for adoption, but I wasn’t really connecting with anybody; then we saw the kitten room, with a couple of tabbies sleeping together and one little black furball perched on the litter box roof like a lion in front of his very own library. We were told that the only kitten available for adoption was the little black guy, and I asked to meet him.

We purelled the heck out of our hands and waited in a little side room, MiLady squatting on the floor, and me on the bench. The volunteer put the little black fuzzball down — and he ran across the room, up my leg, and sat on my shoulder to purr in my ear. And that’s how I met Harold.

See, when my parents were first married, my Dad laid down the law — “No Cats.” Ever. Period. So my Mom got a kitten anyway while Dad was at work; and when he came home that day, the kitten introduced itself by climbing his suit up to the shoulder and purring in his ear. I grew up with cats and with that story; so Harold’s behavior was confirmation that he was coming home with me.

We were told that the people who dropped him off had named him “Royal.” That’s not a name, that’s an adjective! So I renamed him on the spot, and my Anglo-Saxon-addled brain came up with Harold, “the last true King of England.” Since no one knew his birthday, and he was about three months old, we picked a date we’d remember: Tax Day, 4/15. We paid the exorbitant fees, put little Harold in a box, and took him home.

Harold was teeny. He could stand in my two hands held up flat together. He made up for it in boundless energy; he was the terror of the two old lady cats, Tasha and Tabby. And he started growing. And growing. I was told by friends that he looked like a Maine Coon; I was told by others that Maine Coon kitties get HUGE, and that I could expect to own a 20 pound cat. I didn’t believe them; I should have.

See, Harold took two years to stop growing, and he is truly the biggest cat I’ve ever lived with. He overflows my lap. He can sit on my leg and lick my neck. When I’m lying on my side, his butt is on my hip and his front paws curl over my shoulder. And I’m 5′9″. This is a BIG cat. He only weighed 14 pounds the last time I was on the scale with him, but he’s l o n g. He’s also a complete wuss, which is a good thing; he’s scared of cars and trucks and strangers (I suppose I should thank the neighbors for yelling at him when he was teeny, though that’s tough to do when the superstitious twits treat a living being the size of their foot that way) and the elder females of his new clan. And in true Tom Lehrer fashion, at least according to MiLady, he “LOVES his mother.” I’ve never been able to break him of the neck-licking thing; and if you watched him, you’d think he can only ever truly sleep in my lap. It’s not true, but it’s what he wants me to believe.

Today Harold is seven years old. I love “mabuki.” (That’s Huttese for “my boy.”) I just wanted to brag on him a while. Thanks for listening.

Technorati Tags: Kitties

Before the beginning of the year I wrote some goals for myself: making money online, losing weight, keeping up with Real Life, that type of thing. I was sincere when I wrote them, and still mean to carry them out; but here it is the start of the Second Quarter of the year and I’m still over 200 lbs., my house is still a mess, and I can’t seem to get myself to post anywhere on a regular basis. I spend my days keeping up with the social media I’ve subscribed to, reading my RSS feeds and tweets (and swearing when they come in 6 at a time when I’m trying to get something done — like right now) and keeping up with things to the point that I don’t get anything else done. A great excuse, ain’t it? No it’s not. I hate it. Yet I keep doing it. Ick. (I wrote a blog post about it over on LiveJournal.)

I ran into a book a while back with the title What to Say When You Talk to Yourself, and got to read the first few dozen pages in Google Books. It talked about Resistance, and how your own brain can stop you from making any progress. Of course, the sample at Google stopped before offering any concrete suggestions. I’d go out and buy the thing, if I had any money. Which I don’t because I’ve been frittering. Boo.

I’ve never been any good at the “Sheer Willpower Method” — force yourself to do it, Gorramit! — and apparently trusting myself is SO not working. So I would love any suggestions my wonderful readers might have. Please leave me a comment (let me know this gets read!), or add suggestions to Friendfeed for this post. Please? I need all the help I can get!

Technorati Tags: motivation

A very cool idea, created by a less-than-thorough translation of a sign. (from CRAZY ENGLISH on Reason Pad)

Technorati Tags: Good Words, motivation

Another wonderful piece from the Writing Tips newsletter published by write101.com:

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida.

Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass’ They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don’t know who they are anymore.

They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now. They do exercises there, but they don’t do them very well.

There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on.

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts.

Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night — early birds. Some of the people can’t get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.

My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday, too.

When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren. (Thanks to Joanna for passing this on.)

Technorati Tags: FunnyStuff

My StepDaughter had never seen Babylon 5. What?!? She’d thought she’d seen parts of it, but it turned out she’d gotten it confused with Stargate. WhatTheFrell?!?!? We remedied this situation immediately — we pulled out the pilot movie, The Gathering. She was immediately hooked (no surprise), and in the last week and a half we’ve gone all the way through to Sleeping in Light. Next up: the movies and Crusade.

I wrote an Ezine article on B5 and Social Media that got accepted today; I just put a Babylon 5 post up at Popular Delusions to go with it. Why am I being such a SuperFan, especially when the series is over a decade old, and there is so much else going on in science fiction these days? I can give you three reasons.

One: as someone trying to do the internet marketing thing, the story of how Babylon 5 was made, and the communication lines that Straczynski kept open with the fans, holds a lot of lessons for building a fan base and a personal brand online. jms (as he was known in the newsgroups) constantly kept up with and answered fan question on UseNet, as well a GEnie and CompuServe; things he heard online made their way into the show. He gets credited with creating the first “internet marketing campaign,” before such things even existed. Good stuff.

Two: as a lover of SF, Babylon 5 is simply a smart show. The characters are smart, the human space station and craft are all things that we currently have the technology for, the ships move in space as if they’re really in space. B5’s future is a “real” one; by that I mean that the quarters have bathrooms, the situations have complications, and the answers are never easy. Every action has consequences, and some of them are not pretty — and there’s no “reset” button at the end of the episode either. Consequences continue. Just like real life.

Three: as a quote collector and lover of Good Words, Babylon 5 is a gold mine. There are tons of great quotes and words to live by all over this series, in every season; whether it’s quick one liners (Garibaldi: “You know, if I knew who God was, I’d thank her”) or beautiful thoughts (Delenn’s “Star Stuff” speech), you’ll find an absolute ton of great stuff to think on in this part of the Multiverse. One of these days I’d love to go through the entire series with the pause button and my laptop, and write down all the good stuff to be sent to jms for approval and then published as “Good Words: The Wisdom of Babylon 5.” Whether written chronologically by episode or arranged by character, if nothing else I’d love to own that book. It would sure make quoting things easier!

For example, from Marcus Cole: “You know, I used to think it was awful that Life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn’t it be much worse if Life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the Universe.” Isn’t that a neat thought? I like it. Just like I like most of the wisdom the charactors spout on Babylon 5. Man, that jms can WRITE!

So I’ll quit now. This should be about enough from me about B5. But the show, the universe, really is that good. I haven’t even mentioned the CGI (incredible for its time), the unique aliens, the incredible space battles, or the truths underlying the whole Earth civil war thread. There is too much — I can’t even sum up. Suffice to say, I highly recommend watching it, beginning to end. Then you’ll love it too.

Technorati Tags: Babylon 5, Good Words, TV

We’ve gotten to Season Five of the Babylon 5 education of my StepDaughter, and I discovered that I still had a file I typed out of the Declaration the first time I heard it. G’Kar (and Straczynski) can really write. In the introduction to the Season 1 on the DVDs, jms mentions that he’s heard from pagan circles that use these words in ritual; and I’m glad to hear it. They’re Good Words, and should be spread around. So I’m sharing with you. Enjoy.

Declaration of Principles, Interstellar Alliance (Opening):

The Universe speaks in many languages, but only one voice. The language is not Narn or Human or Centauri or Gaim or Minbari. It speaks in the language of hope. It speaks in the language of trust. It speaks in the language of strength, and the language of compassion. It is the language of the heart and the language of the soul. But always it is the same voice. It is the voice of our ancestors speaking through us, and the voice of our inheritors waiting to be born. It is the small, still voice that says: ‘We are One. No matter the blood, no matter the skin, no matter the world, no matter the star. We are One. No matter the pain, no matter the darkness, no matter the loss, no matter the fear. We are One.’ Here, gathered together in common cause, we agree to recognize this singular truth and this singular rule: that we must be kind to one another. Because each voice enriches us and ennobles us and each voice lost diminishes us. We are the voice of the Universe, the Soul of Creation, the fire that will light the way to a better future. We are One.

– Citizen G’Kar of Narn, for the Interstellar Alliance (Babylon 5, The Paragon of Animals, 1998)

Technorati Tags: Good Words